Israeli spokesperson and ambassador to the UKKK, Bruce Fryburger, has responded to allegations that Israel’s attacks on the residents of Gaza bear comparison to grouse-shooting. In an exclusive interview with our Middle East and environment correspondent, Raven McCorbie, he talks | candidly about his ‘surprise’ that such remarks could be made. What follows is a direct translation of his words from his native Strine. |
Terrorist sympathisers ‘G’day. First of all, Ms McCorbie, thank you for the opportunity to clear up this confusion. Clearly, there are terrorist sympathisers who would like people to think that our legitimate actions can be likened to the grouse-shooting industry. Nonetheless, I am surprised and dismayed that others who should know better are falling for this entirely baseless comparison. ‘However, before I go on to explain why this is so ludicrous, I must also respond to a hurtful personal accusation. I absolutely am not “a smooth, compulsively lying robot”. |
'As anyone who knows me will testify, I am not a robot; I am simply a conscienceless psychopath doing his honest best to defend settler-colonialism. Ten reasons ‘To get back to the main topic, there are ten main reasons why what we are doing in Gaza is nothing like grouse-shooting: '‘Number 1. Grouse-shooting requires beaters to drive the birds towards the guns. We simply deprive the Gazans of water, sanitation, food and medical supplies and deny them their liberty and human rights in general. That seems to work for us. |
Captive-bred
‘Number 2. Grouse are free to fly anywhere they want. Palestinians are captive terrestrial creatures. (And to those who say captivity is cruel, I say most of them have been bred there so they are used to it.)
Business model: money from poor US taxpayers
‘Number 3. The business model is entirely different. In grouse-shooting the money comes from the super-rich, who enjoy blasting the helpless little creatures from the sky, and benefits a handful of wealthy landowners who own half of Scotland. In Gaza, the money comes from poor US taxpayers (there being no such thing as a rich US taxpayer) and benefits all Israelis, as well as the arms manufacturers of the UKKK who supply us with our sporting equipment.
‘Number 2. Grouse are free to fly anywhere they want. Palestinians are captive terrestrial creatures. (And to those who say captivity is cruel, I say most of them have been bred there so they are used to it.)
Business model: money from poor US taxpayers
‘Number 3. The business model is entirely different. In grouse-shooting the money comes from the super-rich, who enjoy blasting the helpless little creatures from the sky, and benefits a handful of wealthy landowners who own half of Scotland. In Gaza, the money comes from poor US taxpayers (there being no such thing as a rich US taxpayer) and benefits all Israelis, as well as the arms manufacturers of the UKKK who supply us with our sporting equipment.
‘Number 4. Grouse-shooting isn’t a spectator sport. In Israel, our citizens enjoy overlooking the arena and cheering on our heavily armed and armoured sporting heroes as they mutilate and obliterate children, journalists, medics and miscellaneous unarmed Gazans, as well as, of course, the extreme terrorist element equipped with pebbles. You realise those things might take out an eye one day? |
Big-hearted ‘Number 5. The grouse-shooting industry does not aim to exterminate the grouse. They want to have enough every year to satisfy the blood-lust of globe-trotting, tax-dodging plutocrats, oligarchs and hedge fund managers, so they assiduously shoot, trap and poison anything old wives’ tales |
claim to threaten grouse numbers: ravens, eagles, buzzards, kites, owls, foxes, pine martens, you name it…. We, on the other hand, would be big-hearted enough to welcome other enemies of the Palestinians to join us…
Don't believe in red tape
‘Number 6. Grouse-shooting has a limited shooting season. We don’t believe in red tape tying the hands of sport.
Working hard to minimise Palestinian habitat
‘Number 7. Gamekeepers regularly burn the land, keeping the vegetation in a low stage of succession to maximise habitat for grouse (regardless of how much biodiversity would be boosted and how much greenhouse gas locked up, were natural predators reintroduced and forests allowed to re-establish themselves). We have been working hard for generations to minimise Palestinian habitat.
Don't believe in red tape
‘Number 6. Grouse-shooting has a limited shooting season. We don’t believe in red tape tying the hands of sport.
Working hard to minimise Palestinian habitat
‘Number 7. Gamekeepers regularly burn the land, keeping the vegetation in a low stage of succession to maximise habitat for grouse (regardless of how much biodiversity would be boosted and how much greenhouse gas locked up, were natural predators reintroduced and forests allowed to re-establish themselves). We have been working hard for generations to minimise Palestinian habitat.
‘Number 8. At the end of the day, the grouse are eaten. (Only their predators’ bodies are burnt or left to rot in stink pits, or slung over branches…) Bombs, grenades and missiles ‘Number 9. Only shotguns are used in grouse-shooting. In our sport we use rifles, rockets, bombs, grenades and missiles (and, incidentally, white phosphorus works a treat). |
Grouse-shooting dangerous: a grouse could fall on someone
‘Number 10. Grouse-shooting is a primitive, barbaric and highly dangerous sport, which we think should be banned for health and safety reasons if nothing else. It’s possible that a grouse could fall on someone and cause mild concussion, or that sportspeople could inadvertently shoot each other when targeting low-flying grouse. By contrast, we shoot down into a fenced arena – much more sensible.’
When asked if he hadn’t left out an important eleventh point – that Palestinians were human and grouse were not – Mr Fryburger looked uncharacteristically confused and declined to comment.
Editor's note:
For more on grouse-shooting see, for example, https://raptorpersecutionscotland.wordpress.com/
For more on Gaza etc. see, for example, https://www.aljazeera.com/Search/?q=gaza
‘Number 10. Grouse-shooting is a primitive, barbaric and highly dangerous sport, which we think should be banned for health and safety reasons if nothing else. It’s possible that a grouse could fall on someone and cause mild concussion, or that sportspeople could inadvertently shoot each other when targeting low-flying grouse. By contrast, we shoot down into a fenced arena – much more sensible.’
When asked if he hadn’t left out an important eleventh point – that Palestinians were human and grouse were not – Mr Fryburger looked uncharacteristically confused and declined to comment.
Editor's note:
For more on grouse-shooting see, for example, https://raptorpersecutionscotland.wordpress.com/
For more on Gaza etc. see, for example, https://www.aljazeera.com/Search/?q=gaza